Isabela Explains it All

Sate your curiosity. You know you want to.

September 19, 2014 6:00 am


crystalineasari: Isabela? Why are you very awesome and a lovely person to know?

My darling @crystalineasari, why am I awesome and lovely?


  • I will tell you the truth as I see if if I feel the need
  • I will tell you all of the bawdy jokes and stories
  • I will fuck your brains out on top of the table and then drink you under it
  • I win because I cheat
  • I am always up for a new adventure
  • My desires are simple: the sea, strong drink, and booty - both kinds
  • I refuse to be shamed for the choices I have made
  • I have no pants and need no pants

  • I know the difference between shame and regret
  • I look after for my friends when I can
  • I never wait around for someone to do things for me - I know what I want, and I go after it
  • I’ve got a ship, I’ve got some very sharp blades, I’ve got a killer body, and I am intimately familiar with how to use all of them masterfully
  • I am comfortable with my own body, and I love it - flaws and all
  • I look fantastic naked


  • I believe that pleasure and sex are good things
  • I am really, really good at the pleasure thing
  • I accept people as they are, not as I wish they were
  • I take great pleasure when people I like enjoy themselves
  • Despite my best efforts to eradicate it, I have an embarrassing streak of decency
  • The thing that I want and the thing that I cherish most above all for everyone is freedom
  • Because they don’t know me, I know me
September 18, 2014 6:17 pm

It was about time.

It’s always time for Isabela



It was about time.

It’s always time for Isabela

(via coo-beastie)

September 17, 2014 6:00 am

'If you want the ship can't we just kill him and take it?'

On occasion, I get asked this question, and the short answer is always the same: You can’t just kill a man and take his ship. That’s crude and amateurish.

The longer answer? A ship needs a crew in order to sail, my darlings. Being the captain of a ship requires a certain amount of loyalty from the crew, be it to the promise of fame, fortune, or even the charisma of a strong leader. The crew of a ship needs to believe that they can trust and believe in the orders of her captain because their lives are often in the captain’s hands.

There’s no faster and easier way to break that sense of trust than being an outsider, killing the previous leader, and marching in like you own the place. If the crew finds out, chances are quite good they’ll walk. And unless you plan on murdering a hundred sailors on a good sized ship, the word will spread about what happened to the previous captain and you’ll have a great deal of trouble recruiting willing deckhands to fill those berths.

Make no mistake, being a pirate surely does involve a good deal of murdering and pillaging. But if your crew can’t trust you, you won’t be going anywhere. That’s why you don’t kill a man and take his ship - not unless you already have a crew ready to sail, and a strong stomach for a lot more murder.

(Source: orlesianmagefashionshow, via filantestar)

September 16, 2014 6:00 am



"Did you just bake cupcakes?"

"I did."

"Are those the ones with the strawbery-chocolate icing?"

"Yes, they are the kind I know you like."

"Come here."

"What? But I still haven’t cleaned up."

"I know. I just want to lick the batter off."

September 15, 2014 6:00 am


Anonymous: Has lsabela found any worthwhile jetsam whilst at sea Was once told of a Mermaid but have yet to find such a divine creature

Never trust a mermaid, my lovely. They’ll sing sweet nothings in your ear long enough to lure you up close, then drag you to your grave before you realize what’s going on. 

No, the most interesting bit of flotsam I’ve found was probably an amber pendant. It was clutched in the hand of a corpse we found afloat in an old dinghy one day while ferrying refugees from Denerim to Kirkwall. The poor blighter had expired from thirst, probably the survivor of a shipwreck. Two of my crew, the lookout and deckhand, rowed out to check the boat for valuables and survivors, and they returned with this:


The workmanship wasn’t especially fine, but it looked and felt like real gold and it was the lookout’s first piece of booty, so I let him keep it. I am not sure I would say it is entirely a regret, but it certainly had interesting effects.

You see, my lovelies, the jewel wasn’t actually a jewel. I discovered later that we had found the last lifeboat from a cargo ship that had carried a number of rare spices and valuables, and this particular wonder was a special concentrated medicinal pendant. The medicine is activated by body heat and gets absorbed into your bloodstream through extended skin contact. It was intended to be worn about the neck in order to slowly provide the medicinal effect.

"But Isabela," you might ask. "Why is some medicinal pendant so interesting?"

Because, my lovely, the pendant was a cure for impotence. The lookout had proudly worn it for hours while on duty, then he went to his bunk and fell asleep. When he awoke, his mainmast was fully hoisted and no matter what he did, he couldn’t lower his mainsail. He swore that the necklace was cursed and threw it away, but the boatswain quickly retrieved it - what sort of pirate leaves valuable gilded booty just lying around on a ship full of other pirates? The day after, the boatswain had the same problem - a proudly flying flagpole that refused to go away. It took an entire week and a number of unfortunate tossers with angry one-eyed trouser snakes before they came to the conclusion that the jewel was cursed. It also gave the ladies on my crew plenty to snicker about. Let’s just say that several of the crewmen had been a tad boastful when they visited the brothel.

I did have to cuff the first to suggest that I “take care of it personally” so hard that he lost a tooth. As all of the poor fools would later discover, stimulation (self or otherwise) didn’t actually have any effect on the little throbbers. Come hell or high water, they would stand tall and firm against any enemy. Even more unfortunately for them, having their fore admirals standing at full attention quickly became painful for them. It became a problem for me when they refused the ship’s physician (who’s plan was, admittedly, to let the excess blood out via an incision), because I had several (formerly) able-bodied sailors out of commission. In the end, I took the pendant for myself and earned a reputation for being a curse-breaker in the process. But it was certainly interesting while I had it. I’d occasionally use it as punishment or an interrogation aid. An unfortunate shame that I lost it in my shipwreck some time ago. 

That said, the medicine actually had a slightly different, much less pronounced effect on women than it does on men. It would tend to inflame their lady parts and help increase blood flow, so when I saw a similar medicinal pendant on sale in Seheron, I knew I had to purchase it. I naturally gave it to Aveline as a gift.

September 13, 2014 6:00 am

Late Night Discussion

  • Hawke: Is... is that what I think it is?
  • Isabela: Well, you've got one that you use all the time. I thought it would be time that I got one as well.
  • Hawke: I use a *staff*. In battle!
  • Isabela: I can use this in battle too! Of sorts!
  • Hawke: ...
  • Isabela: You stick your thing into them when they get close. I stick this thing into you when *you* get close.
  • Hawke: But... but...
  • Isabela: You've got enchanted runes in yours, I've got enchanted runes in mine...
  • Hawke: I *kill* people with mine!
  • Isabela: I could probably kill someone with this too, if I'm not careful.
  • Hawke: I... I just... I can't.
  • Isabela: (happily) I've always wanted my own magic wand.
  • Hawke: But it's an enormous sex toy!
  • Isabela: (sultry voice) You should know that by now that *I* supply the magic.
  • Hawle: (sighs) I give up.
  • Isabela: Oh no, not yet. That comes later.
September 12, 2014 12:01 am


Anonymous: hello :/ uhhh... i still dont get the hawke family crest ... im sorry any help?

My darling, it’s a pair of birds grinding their southern inlets between their legs together. I believe the current vernacular is “scissoring”.

Visual aids below:

Read More

September 11, 2014 10:51 pm

Confession: I tried but still can’t figure out what Hawke wanted to unsee when looking side way at the family crest.

Turn it sideways and keep the outlines of the birds in mind.

Cheers, my darlings.


Confession: I tried but still can’t figure out what Hawke wanted to unsee when looking side way at the family crest.

Turn it sideways and keep the outlines of the birds in mind.

Cheers, my darlings.

September 10, 2014 6:00 am


Anonymous: Isabela what makes you despondent with life when you are at sail

I… well, nothing, really. I mean, the sea is an amazing place. No matter what the circumstances, it always brings with it a sense of hope, of majesty, and of wonder. You can feel free there, with the ability to go anywhere and do anything. 

Sometimes it’s a thing of beauty. Colors you never imagined, things you’ve never seen, all gorgeous to behold. Sometimes there is just so much life that you can’t even begin to fathom it all.

Her terrible strength can be breathtaking as well. It is never truly possible to tame her, but you can work with her to get where you wish to go. You can stay close to her as a lover, but you will never fully control her. You must always respect her.

Even when things are bad - you’re low on food or supplies, your crew is threatening mutiny, or perhaps you have a warship chasing you, you’ve still got the sea. You know her measure and you can depend on her to remain the same. And while the prospect of death on the waters might seem bleak, there are worse fates. 

I think the only thing that would sour my mood at sea would be thoughts of things… or people… that I had left behind. I usually don’t have these thoughts particularly often… or ever… it’s usually more of just remembering things that I haven’t had in a while, like a good meal or a special package at a particular brothel. Sometimes there’s some amount of regret, like when you need to leave a good crewman behind, but you can take solace in the greater good, as well as the calm and serenity of the sea.

September 9, 2014 6:00 am


Anonymous: Can you tell us if you hold hands with your loved one or just rest your arm in hers when in public

I do both. Why wouldn’t I? Between the two of us, I’m the one who is the staunch advocate of getting naked in public. Holding hands or linking arms while we’re out isn’t uncommon for us. If I want to lead her someplace or just reassure myself that she’s there, I’ll take her hand. She usually takes mine for similar reasons. If I want to be closer to her, to feel her against me, I’ll link arms. Or I’ll shove her into an alley and press her against a wall. Sometimes I’ll do both. I’m spontaneous that way, and she never complains. Except maybe afterwards that I’ve mussed her hair and clothing, but I think it’s a worthy sacrifice.

There’s very little in this world that makes me feel uncomfortable. It really is true, you can’t shame the shameless. If you care what others think, it gives them power over you. The only thing that truly tends to give me pause are the appearance of those pesky feelings. When I’m worried for her safety, or I fret she may disapprove of something I’ve done, or I fear that I’ve disappointed her… it’s an awful state to be in. But it all gets magnified when she smiles and tells me how much I make her happy. It’s so cloying, and so sweet, it almost sets my teeth to aching. And worst of all, try as I might, I am powerless to escape that endless web of agony and joy. I like it, and yet it frightens the piss out of me.